The moment is brief, but it can change the whole day.
A handover — that five or ten minutes when the kids move between homes — can stir up a surprising amount of emotion.
You might feel anxious, defensive, or frustrated before it even happens.
The kids might become clingy, moody, or teary.
And if communication with your ex is strained, even a simple exchange can feel like walking through a minefield.
But here’s the truth: you can’t control what happens on their side of the handover — but you can set the tone on yours.
Step 1: Recognise What’s Really Going On
Handover tension is rarely about the logistics.
It’s about emotion — endings, beginnings, and the invisible shift between two worlds.
For kids, it’s a moment of transition. For parents, it’s often a reminder of what’s changed.
If you find yourself tense, name it quietly:
“This feels hard because I care deeply about them.”
That awareness softens reactivity and brings you back to calm.
Step 2: Regulate Before You Arrive
Before every handover, give yourself two minutes to reset.
- Breathe out longer than you breathe in.
- Drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw.
- Imagine stepping into a calm bubble that protects your peace.
If you’re grounded before you arrive, you’re less likely to be pulled into conflict or emotional residue.
Your energy sets the temperature — for you, and for your kids.
Step 3: Keep It Short, Predictable, and Polite
Handovers work best when they’re consistent.
Kids thrive on routine, and predictability reduces stress for everyone.
Practical tips:
- Use the same location and time whenever possible.
- Keep greetings and goodbyes warm but brief.
- If your ex is confrontational, stay neutral and speak only about the kids.
A simple, steady routine communicates safety.
You’re showing your children: “Even when things are hard, we can handle this with calm.”
Step 4: Don’t Take the Kids’ Reactions Personally
Tears, silence, or withdrawal at handover are normal.
They don’t mean your child loves one parent more — they mean transitions are emotionally intense.
Offer gentle reassurance:
“I can see this feels hard right now. I love you, and I’ll see you soon.”
Keep it short, calm, and confident.
They’ll draw comfort from your steadiness, not your explanations.
Step 5: Reset After the Handover
Even smooth transitions can leave emotional residue.
Take a few minutes after each exchange to decompress — especially if there was tension.
Try:
- Listening to music or a calming podcast on the drive home.
- Journaling one reflection: “What went well today?”
- Taking a short walk before returning to your routine.
You’re allowed to need recovery time, too.
When You Need Support
Managing handovers calmly takes practice — especially if conflict or hurt feelings still run deep.
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
At Relationship Matters, we help separated parents build confidence and emotional balance through:
- 1:1 Coaching — to develop personal handover strategies, communication boundaries, and self-regulation tools.
- Group Coaching — to share experiences, reduce isolation, and learn from others navigating the same challenges.
- Self-Guided Courses — reflection exercises, scripts, and strategies from our RESET to RISE™ framework to help you regulate before, during, and after transitions.
Because calm handovers don’t just help kids — they help you reclaim peace, too.
Next Step
If handovers leave you stressed or drained, we can help you approach them with structure and calm.
Visit www.relationshipmatters.co to explore 1:1 Coaching, Group Coaching, and our Separation Survival Series — practical, compassionate tools for creating smoother transitions and calmer homes.
You can’t control the moment — but you can control the energy you bring into it.